connection > success

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One thing that pushes me out of my comfort zone the most is sharing myself. I can share my projects (most of the time) – but I am so uncomfortable opening up my heart with people. I’m afraid to be judged or rejected.

Socially, I tend to keep myself cushioned behind my projects or ideas. And, to be honest, I haven’t minded one bit. Not only have I not minded, I generally think the last thing I want to do is share what’s going on with me.

As much as I have had an overbearingly nagging sense that I need to be sharing my heart with others, I hate the idea of it. I hate putting myself out there for all of you to see.

I get scared to let people in. I convince myself that it will be too embarrassing and painful. Thinking, If you share what’s in your heart people are going to think you’re annoying, crazy, or worst of all, a drama queen. Do. not. do. it.

That story has kept me guarded on several occasions.

It also gets me stuck in a terrible cycle.

After awhile of not engaging with people who actually care to go there, I stop caring if anyone cares, too. And then the non-caring non-sharing becomes mutual. You don’t share your whole self with me, your strengths and your struggles, I don’t share myself with you. Who cares, right? I move on, push towards achieving my goals and fulfilling my vision – get wrapped up in my newest ideas.

I completely miss that I, like many, may have tons of friends but at the same time rarely engage in meaningful experiences with any of these people. And when I do come across an individual that interrupts this cycle and reminds me that how I’m doing is just as important, if not more important, than what I’m doing – it’s both frightening and a breath of fresh air.

It feels like we’re all desiring more meaningful connections. We’re complex and desire experiences that extend past what what we’re wearing, where we’re going, or who we’re hanging out with. But the desire to have those connections has to be met with the courage to create those experiences.

That said, making those connections still scares me at times. Sometimes it feels like those people who truly care to engage (because we have to admit there are also plenty of fakers and manipulators our there) are few and far between.

But I can’t let that be my excuse. While I grant myself permission to be rational and not attempt to forge connections with unhealthy or untrustworthy individuals (duh), I no longer tolerate the story that enables me to be ruled by fear and keep my heart closed off to the world. (quite the declaration, huh?) ;^)

So, I’m trying out this new thing. Publicly(????!!!). It’s called being vulnerable. Which I know the word itself, vulnerable, has become kind of a trendy topic ever since Brene Browns’ Ted talks made it big. But this really isn’t about a trend, or feeling extra special using the word ‘vulnerable’ in a blog post, or trying to sound like I’m soo connected to my heart and other people should be too and everyone should be so super inspired by my posts.

Nope – it’s about being real, and saying, yo – I’m stuck in this cycle of being so cushioned behind what I do that I’m missing out on being a part of the types of relationships that I know I should have. Authentically connected friendships. Heartfelt community.

I’m grateful for my marriage. I’m happy with where I live. I love my work. It’s worth my time. It’s fulfilling. It utilizes my gifts and passions. It’s making a difference in the world. But still, this is not my full identity. Beyond living well and doing good and accomplishing and achieving – I am created to connect in meaningful ways. We are created to connect in meaningful ways.

I say we because I know it’s we. I’ve had this conversation. I know people from all different ends of the spectrum that feel the exact same way as me. People that seem to be living awesome happy exciting lives, but are all wishing for more.

From these conversations, and from my own experiences, it’s clear: we (individually and socially) are neglecting a part of who we are as humans when we don’t allow ourselves to be real and share our hearts, the joy and the suffering, with (*trusted and healthy*) people–and we are suffering because of it.

The challenge here is that our achievement and image driven culture is not well and sells a lie that it’s not wrong to be in this circumstance. Culture promotes and propels this lifestyle and will even identify it as “success!!”. Is it?

If this is success–we’re losing out.

Deep down I think we all know we’re losing out.

 

This is my attempt to create something new, something different.

..I have no idea where all of this is sharing my heart through a blog is going to lead me. I, of course, fear that it ends in public embarrassment. But can only hope that it ends in connection – real connection.

 

Do you feel that you can relate to my perspective that, in generally, most people tend to keep themselves guarded–or–do you feel that most people are out there sharing their hearts? What is your perspective?

doin’ it

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I finally decided to start the blog that I’ve been thinking of starting for forever – seriously! I’ve been wanting to start a blog since I lived in San Francisco …that was 2011. -_-

I’ve held back for so long because – being the entrepreneur that I am – I thought whatever I created needed to be something that was marketable. For months (years?), I’ve invested time and money researching everything I needed to know about how to create a marketable and therefor profitable personal brand and blog. I even invested in an online course to teach people how to blog for profit. I’ve studied and learned how to write marketable headlines, catchy content, beautiful design, blah blah blah… but I really don’t want to have a blog that every post starts with “# ways to _”, or is endorsed by a corporation, or is flooded with pictures of me promoting various fashion labels (not that I’m not interested in doing that kind of thing, just not on this platform..).

After all of that research, learning, and investing, I realized the things I have to share wouldn’t be conveyed best through marketable strategies and should not be written from a place of monetizing the content. I realized that in order to effectively communicate my messages without disregarding my style or draining my passion I was going to have to start a personal journal and just simply be me.

No fancy design. No market strategies. No extra fluff. Just me.

If you know me, this is no easy task! I want to make money! I want to create a badass brand and be a beauty queen ;^) (kinda…) but ultimately that’s not where I’m feeling lead right now regarding what I should put out in the world. As much as I believe I could truly create a beautiful space and make some $$ from pimping out my image, that’s just not scary exciting enough right now.

But! Don’t worry! (I can tell you’re concerned about the time/$$ I’ve invested) I’m not going to put all of that valuable information to waste – there are other platforms and products I’m invested in and will eventually share – but for now I’m just focused on sharing my heart.

 

Andddddddd if you really can’t help but want to support/work with/pay me check out my other thangz:

*note: the following content is endorsed* ;p

1. Educate Nica – a 501c3 non-profit organization that I founded and direct. We supply the resources and support impoverished Nicaraguan students need to succeed in their education. If you haven’t, check it outttttttt – we’ve currently expanded the program into 4 villages and over 200 students. *cough* sponsor a student and donate to Educate Nica *cough*

2. ddaavviiss.com is a branding and design agency Joshua and I will be launching together (woo-hoo!) this 2014. Joshua is an incredible designer (amongst other things). He has worked at a few very respected agencies but always finds himself desiring to work for himself, with his own clients, and on his own projects. He has been doing freelance design for ~2+ years and we can’t help but put our creative efforts together. We are very creatively compatible and are eager to collaborate on our own products in addition to continuing to partner with other professional brands. (We’ll be available for hire in the near future – if you want to hire Joshua for freelance in the mean time, I won’t be upset! ;p)

3. Career Coaching for Conscious and Creative Individuals – whaaaaaaa??!! what is that? Wellllll – you know how some people dream of doing something crazy totally awesome and truly possible (like starting a company, being an artist, or furthering a cause) but aren’t sure if it’s a possibility, don’t know how to start, or can’t get past something that’s blocking their success? I partner with individuals to empower them to successfully live the life they desire. I’ll be launching the website soon so stay tuned!

 


My biggest desire is to create a beautiful life.
Thank you for being a part of this journey.

See you around here soon!! <3

 

ps- Let me guess… You’re totally pumped that I’ve finally started this journal and can’t wait to read more of my entries.. OMG~! *squeals and hugs* I feel the EXACT same way!!!!!! ;^p Enter your email address to subscribe and get my next post, and all the posts to follow, straight to your inbox.

pps- *the following posts will not have a million links to my businesses/ventures*, I just needed to get it all out this time. :)